Monday 31 March 2008
Monday 24 March 2008
Movies to watch
Just a quick list for myself here.
April 18 - Forgetting Sarah Marshall
April 25 - Harold and Kumar Escape From Guatanamo Bay
May 2 - Iron Man
May 22 - Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (?)
June 27 - WALL-E, Wanted (?)
July 18 - The Dark Knight
August 8 - The Pineapple Express
August 15 - Star Wars: The Clone Wars
October 3 - Valkyrie (?)
April 25 - Harold and Kumar Escape From Guatanamo Bay
May 2 - Iron Man
May 22 - Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (?)
June 27 - WALL-E, Wanted (?)
July 18 - The Dark Knight
August 8 - The Pineapple Express
August 15 - Star Wars: The Clone Wars
October 3 - Valkyrie (?)
Sunday 23 March 2008
The Future (and Videogames)
I was looking at the dreadful course selection sheet the other day, the so-called "improved" yellow sheet. Tentatively, this is what it looks like:
A History
B Spanish
C Religion
D Law
E Geography
F English
G Phys. Ed.
H Spare
There are a lot of issues that are brought about by this new sheet. Most of them are small ones regarding my own future; not much that affects others. The pink sheet, which many of us found to be the better course selection sheet, would've gave a schedule that looked like his.
A History
B Spanish
C Religion
D Law
E Geography
F Spare
G Phys. Ed.
H English
Is it right to have changed the course selection for the benefit of, I think it is, 4 people? I'm sure there are a lot of people now who have conflicts and schedules worse off. Was the change mandated at the consideration of the students who have their schedules worse off? Personally, it's a minor inconvenience, but what is the case for the other students? Is it really better off to trade away, what could be, the futures of a bigger number of students for the futures of 4? I don't think so.
Moving on, I'm not quite sure as to how University will look. I know that I'm going to end up going to UBC (for fear of letting my family down) and I know I'll be going into the Arts (because Science is too concrete in its teachings for my liking). From there, I don't know what I'll do. My three options are, as they stand: History, Political Science, and Journalism.
History is something that I think is really, really interesting. Now, anything before the 1900s isn't of much interest too me. These days are changing times and things from the 19th century, I find, aren't that relevant to me or the world stage (regarding which, I may be wrong). University history offers a lot of recent history be it from wartime or the political climate. I'm all up for that kind of learning, of which interests me, but I fear that the application of a degree in history are bare bones. Sure there are always the positions of "Curator" or "Historian", but how common are those to find? Will a degree in history hinder my employment options? I hope not.
Political Science is something that, I hope, I can use to change the world. It sounds cheesy, doesn't it? Truth be told, since sixth grade I've always wanted to do something about the world. It started with the hope that conflicts in the Middle East be resolved and, when that went to hell, I thought that change couldn't be brought about so easily. I was right to an extent; power is the only thing that can bring about change on a global sale. Political Science, I dream, is the degree that will launch myself into the political atmosphere and foster a platform of change. It may be a pipe dream, but it's a dream I hope I can one day achieve.
Journalism is the ideal degree for being realistic in terms of employment. The thing is, though, is that it isn't one of my flairs. I've been told I'm good at writing but my passions don't lie with journalism and the associated media. It's a steady and beneficial future with a journalism degree, but it's not something I would love with all my heart.
---
Changing the topic now, I want to pour some of my thoughts regarding videogames (and I guess electronics). There are a lot of things I'm saving for now, and this, I would guess, is a good platform to jot down my notes. Read if you want.
Xbox 360 wise, there are not a lot of games I feel I need to buy. The games I have preocuppy me well. Rock Band is still a game I'm striving for completion in. During Spring Break, I hope to have achieved completion in the Band World Tour and all the associated Achievements. The only things to be completed, then, are the achievements for solo campaigns in hard drums as well as expert drums and guitar. The Orange Box is something that will be quite taxing in terms of completion. Consisting of five games, it's something that's going to take up a lot of my time. I think I'll go through each game on weekends and try to complete it slowly. Medal of Honor: Airborne I will, hopefully, complete the campaign by the end of Spring Break and not get too involved into the online multi-player. I have enough games to complete. Mass Effect is still on the backburner; an RPG is too taxing to complete now. I may return it.
On the Playstation 3 front, there are a lot of games I want to get. Truth be told, I've been neglecting the PS3. Off the top of my head are Uncharted: Drake's Fortune, Resistance: Fall of Man, and, when it hits, Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots. At first glance, that's a hefty load at almost $200. The only game that I know I will be getting at launch price is MGS4 because there is a lot of hype that has been generated regarding it and, I know, that it's all justified. But, it doesn't arrive until June 12th, so there's plenty of time to save for it. What's next is a Dualshock 3 controller and at $55, is something that I won't be getting anytime soon. I don't have many multi-player games anyway so it would just be a rotting investment for the time being. On the PSP front, there's God of War: Chains of Olympus to get for about $35 but before I invest time into that, I still need to beat Patapon.
As for miscellaneous electronics, there are two things I'm saving for. The first is an 8 GB USB Flash Drive. At $40 at NCIX, this is a steal. It would be used, mostly, for file transfers to-and-from the PS3. 8 GB comes with, not only convenience, but security in that certain memories will not be lost easily. The second is an Asus eee. These ultra-portable laptops are something that will help tremendously at school. The price is an issue when deciding which model to get, though. The 8GB, at 7 inches, is a steal at $500. I'd rather have the 9 inch model, although I don't know how much that would set me back. I think I'll have enough by the end of summer.
A History
B Spanish
C Religion
D Law
E Geography
F English
G Phys. Ed.
H Spare
There are a lot of issues that are brought about by this new sheet. Most of them are small ones regarding my own future; not much that affects others. The pink sheet, which many of us found to be the better course selection sheet, would've gave a schedule that looked like his.
A History
B Spanish
C Religion
D Law
E Geography
F Spare
G Phys. Ed.
H English
Is it right to have changed the course selection for the benefit of, I think it is, 4 people? I'm sure there are a lot of people now who have conflicts and schedules worse off. Was the change mandated at the consideration of the students who have their schedules worse off? Personally, it's a minor inconvenience, but what is the case for the other students? Is it really better off to trade away, what could be, the futures of a bigger number of students for the futures of 4? I don't think so.
Moving on, I'm not quite sure as to how University will look. I know that I'm going to end up going to UBC (for fear of letting my family down) and I know I'll be going into the Arts (because Science is too concrete in its teachings for my liking). From there, I don't know what I'll do. My three options are, as they stand: History, Political Science, and Journalism.
History is something that I think is really, really interesting. Now, anything before the 1900s isn't of much interest too me. These days are changing times and things from the 19th century, I find, aren't that relevant to me or the world stage (regarding which, I may be wrong). University history offers a lot of recent history be it from wartime or the political climate. I'm all up for that kind of learning, of which interests me, but I fear that the application of a degree in history are bare bones. Sure there are always the positions of "Curator" or "Historian", but how common are those to find? Will a degree in history hinder my employment options? I hope not.
Political Science is something that, I hope, I can use to change the world. It sounds cheesy, doesn't it? Truth be told, since sixth grade I've always wanted to do something about the world. It started with the hope that conflicts in the Middle East be resolved and, when that went to hell, I thought that change couldn't be brought about so easily. I was right to an extent; power is the only thing that can bring about change on a global sale. Political Science, I dream, is the degree that will launch myself into the political atmosphere and foster a platform of change. It may be a pipe dream, but it's a dream I hope I can one day achieve.
Journalism is the ideal degree for being realistic in terms of employment. The thing is, though, is that it isn't one of my flairs. I've been told I'm good at writing but my passions don't lie with journalism and the associated media. It's a steady and beneficial future with a journalism degree, but it's not something I would love with all my heart.
---
Changing the topic now, I want to pour some of my thoughts regarding videogames (and I guess electronics). There are a lot of things I'm saving for now, and this, I would guess, is a good platform to jot down my notes. Read if you want.
Xbox 360 wise, there are not a lot of games I feel I need to buy. The games I have preocuppy me well. Rock Band is still a game I'm striving for completion in. During Spring Break, I hope to have achieved completion in the Band World Tour and all the associated Achievements. The only things to be completed, then, are the achievements for solo campaigns in hard drums as well as expert drums and guitar. The Orange Box is something that will be quite taxing in terms of completion. Consisting of five games, it's something that's going to take up a lot of my time. I think I'll go through each game on weekends and try to complete it slowly. Medal of Honor: Airborne I will, hopefully, complete the campaign by the end of Spring Break and not get too involved into the online multi-player. I have enough games to complete. Mass Effect is still on the backburner; an RPG is too taxing to complete now. I may return it.
On the Playstation 3 front, there are a lot of games I want to get. Truth be told, I've been neglecting the PS3. Off the top of my head are Uncharted: Drake's Fortune, Resistance: Fall of Man, and, when it hits, Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots. At first glance, that's a hefty load at almost $200. The only game that I know I will be getting at launch price is MGS4 because there is a lot of hype that has been generated regarding it and, I know, that it's all justified. But, it doesn't arrive until June 12th, so there's plenty of time to save for it. What's next is a Dualshock 3 controller and at $55, is something that I won't be getting anytime soon. I don't have many multi-player games anyway so it would just be a rotting investment for the time being. On the PSP front, there's God of War: Chains of Olympus to get for about $35 but before I invest time into that, I still need to beat Patapon.
As for miscellaneous electronics, there are two things I'm saving for. The first is an 8 GB USB Flash Drive. At $40 at NCIX, this is a steal. It would be used, mostly, for file transfers to-and-from the PS3. 8 GB comes with, not only convenience, but security in that certain memories will not be lost easily. The second is an Asus eee. These ultra-portable laptops are something that will help tremendously at school. The price is an issue when deciding which model to get, though. The 8GB, at 7 inches, is a steal at $500. I'd rather have the 9 inch model, although I don't know how much that would set me back. I think I'll have enough by the end of summer.
Monday 10 March 2008
Nostalgic Tunes
Last.fm says that these are my top 20 played songs since September 2005.
1. You're Beautiful; James Blunt (1536 Plays)
2. November Rain; Guns N' Roses (829 Plays)
3. I Don't Wanna Live Without Your Love; Chicago (775 Plays)
4. Will You Still Love Me?; Chicago (623 Plays)
5. Chasing Cars; Snow Patrol (598 Plays)
6. It's All Coming Back to Me Now; Meat Loaf and Marion Raven (591 Plays)
7. Always; Bon Jovi (560 Plays)
8. Hello; Lionel Richie (549 Plays)
9. Patience; Guns N' Roses (438 Plays)
10. Look Away; Chicago (424 Plays)
11. Everything; Lifehouse (424 Plays)
12. Goodbye My Lover; James Blunt (407 Plays)
13. Wonderful Tonight; Eric Clapton (368 Plays)
14. I Don't Want to Miss a Thing; Aerosmith (365 Plays)
15. Don't Cry (Original); Guns N' Roses (360 Plays)
16. We Can Last Forever; Chicago (357 Plays)
17. I'll Be There For You; Bon Jovi (355 Plays)
18. Ache; James Carrington (351 Plays)
19. Don't Cry (Alternate); Guns N' Roses (327 Plays)
20. Open Arms; Journey (322 Plays)
The first real rock song doesn't show up until 41; Estranged by Guns N' Roses with 212 plays.
1. You're Beautiful; James Blunt (1536 Plays)
2. November Rain; Guns N' Roses (829 Plays)
3. I Don't Wanna Live Without Your Love; Chicago (775 Plays)
4. Will You Still Love Me?; Chicago (623 Plays)
5. Chasing Cars; Snow Patrol (598 Plays)
6. It's All Coming Back to Me Now; Meat Loaf and Marion Raven (591 Plays)
7. Always; Bon Jovi (560 Plays)
8. Hello; Lionel Richie (549 Plays)
9. Patience; Guns N' Roses (438 Plays)
10. Look Away; Chicago (424 Plays)
11. Everything; Lifehouse (424 Plays)
12. Goodbye My Lover; James Blunt (407 Plays)
13. Wonderful Tonight; Eric Clapton (368 Plays)
14. I Don't Want to Miss a Thing; Aerosmith (365 Plays)
15. Don't Cry (Original); Guns N' Roses (360 Plays)
16. We Can Last Forever; Chicago (357 Plays)
17. I'll Be There For You; Bon Jovi (355 Plays)
18. Ache; James Carrington (351 Plays)
19. Don't Cry (Alternate); Guns N' Roses (327 Plays)
20. Open Arms; Journey (322 Plays)
The first real rock song doesn't show up until 41; Estranged by Guns N' Roses with 212 plays.
The Blower's Daughter
I watched Closer early Saturday morning. It was an excellent movie. It had a cast of four and the story was the highlight of the movie. To be able to love and to lose and then to love again. A conflict of interests between four people. To feel sincere and to act on impulse or to love completely and not love at all.
"And so it is, just like you said it would be. Life goes easy on me most of the time. And so it is; the shorter story; no love, no glory. No hero in her sky."
Love itself is complex. What is love, really? Chemical imbalance? True emotion? Purely speculative? Can you truly love somebody you like? Lust? Hate? Does love come about truly spontaneously? Can it be felt eventually? Is it all a designation of mind depending on the person?
Is it love to be drawn to somebody without a reason? Without a one that can be designated a reason instead of a "just because" or an "I don't know"? Is it love to have strayed to long another, only to have returned to the one? Is there not a reason for a straying? Is the reason for the longing all the more stronger because of the return? Is it worth the trouble of time to wait at all, to stand by in quiet uttering the quiet, "yes" and complimenting the simple fact? Is it worth a wait, if only to be shot down, if at all the case?
What of unrequited love? Abraham Cowley writes, "A mighty pain to love it is, and 'tis a pain that pain to miss; but of all pains, the greatest pain it is to love but love in vain." There are always the situations in which this arises, to which the suitor simply relents and abandons the cause. Perhaps with time the pain will recede. Still, though, there are the times when the feeling does not go.
"And so it is, just like you said it should be. We'll both forget the breeze most of the time. And so it is; the colder water, the blower's daughter the pupil in denial."
I've heard the words of unrequited love in music. From Bell Bottom Blues to Layla. But the most prominent comes about in Don't Cry (the words themselves perhaps advice): "I thought I could live in your world as years all went by. With all the voices I've heard, something has died. And when you're in need of someone my heart won't deny you. So many seem so lonely with no one left to cry to."
Nevermind the quiet chord progressions made into arpeggios or the solo ending and starting on the same not. The words still ring true regardless of the times or the circumstances or the cast. It's chilling to hear the song again and again, maybe because of personal relevance or maybe because the song is that powerful. Whatever it is, it must be one of the two to have left such an indelible mark.
But to forget it all is something impossible. For somebody as sentimental as myself, I could not bring myself to forget. To forget is to lose something and loss is something I fear. I guess that's why I keep the little things, regardless of how important they were. They bring back the memories and when I forget them, they'll still be there to jog the mind. Even if I could forget it all, I wouldn't.
"Oh, did I say that I loathe you? Did I say that I want to leave it all behind?"
As I've always said, there's always hope. But who knows how far hope can go to prolong the inevitable? Is it even favourable? The inevitable hardly ever is. The optimist can't help but thinking there will be bluer skies while the pessimist can't help but thinking that there will be more rain.
"I can't take my mind off of you... my mind... my mind..."
And it all ties together, doesn't it?
"And so it is, just like you said it would be. Life goes easy on me most of the time. And so it is; the shorter story; no love, no glory. No hero in her sky."
Love itself is complex. What is love, really? Chemical imbalance? True emotion? Purely speculative? Can you truly love somebody you like? Lust? Hate? Does love come about truly spontaneously? Can it be felt eventually? Is it all a designation of mind depending on the person?
Is it love to be drawn to somebody without a reason? Without a one that can be designated a reason instead of a "just because" or an "I don't know"? Is it love to have strayed to long another, only to have returned to the one? Is there not a reason for a straying? Is the reason for the longing all the more stronger because of the return? Is it worth the trouble of time to wait at all, to stand by in quiet uttering the quiet, "yes" and complimenting the simple fact? Is it worth a wait, if only to be shot down, if at all the case?
What of unrequited love? Abraham Cowley writes, "A mighty pain to love it is, and 'tis a pain that pain to miss; but of all pains, the greatest pain it is to love but love in vain." There are always the situations in which this arises, to which the suitor simply relents and abandons the cause. Perhaps with time the pain will recede. Still, though, there are the times when the feeling does not go.
"And so it is, just like you said it should be. We'll both forget the breeze most of the time. And so it is; the colder water, the blower's daughter the pupil in denial."
I've heard the words of unrequited love in music. From Bell Bottom Blues to Layla. But the most prominent comes about in Don't Cry (the words themselves perhaps advice): "I thought I could live in your world as years all went by. With all the voices I've heard, something has died. And when you're in need of someone my heart won't deny you. So many seem so lonely with no one left to cry to."
Nevermind the quiet chord progressions made into arpeggios or the solo ending and starting on the same not. The words still ring true regardless of the times or the circumstances or the cast. It's chilling to hear the song again and again, maybe because of personal relevance or maybe because the song is that powerful. Whatever it is, it must be one of the two to have left such an indelible mark.
But to forget it all is something impossible. For somebody as sentimental as myself, I could not bring myself to forget. To forget is to lose something and loss is something I fear. I guess that's why I keep the little things, regardless of how important they were. They bring back the memories and when I forget them, they'll still be there to jog the mind. Even if I could forget it all, I wouldn't.
"Oh, did I say that I loathe you? Did I say that I want to leave it all behind?"
As I've always said, there's always hope. But who knows how far hope can go to prolong the inevitable? Is it even favourable? The inevitable hardly ever is. The optimist can't help but thinking there will be bluer skies while the pessimist can't help but thinking that there will be more rain.
"I can't take my mind off of you... my mind... my mind..."
And it all ties together, doesn't it?
Childhood's End
It started with a bass pedal, cracked three-quarters of the way down. Perhaps symbolic, perhaps not. A reminder now of a day I'd rather not remember now.
From then it moved to how I take things for granted or how I hold money in such low regard or how I'll turn out like my uncles. It's always about the faults I have and never about how I was raised. Always about the here-and-now and never about the whens-and-hows or the whys-and-whos. It was about money. It's always about money.
And then a confrontation. They'd take it away had I not defended it. How stupid that was. Why defend plastic? Why silicon? Why metal? On their own they are nothing important. Together, they are why I am not motivated. They are why I sleep the days away, why I never finish my homework, why my priorities are so messed up.
I defended it and I goaded them the whole time. They came to take it away but I defended it as a mother would defend her child. How stupid. Why defend a cold chunk of metal with your life? Why not give away that which causes you strife? I should have been asked this before. I acted irrationally, acted without thinking of the consequences. I justified it by thinking that I was not compromising, thinking that saving this would uphold my motto of "never compromising". And I never compromised, but I lost it all.
It still goes downhill from here. The words came in flurries and they pierced and I bled. The words resounded and stabbed with much more than I had felt. The truth hurt. "Live your life the way you want it but don't come crying to us if you fail," or "When you've proven yourself to not have screwed up your life, we'll be happy," or "It's your life and your problems."
They were harsh critiques, strong words. I knew they were true and I knew my life had been problematic for some time. The procrastination, the sloth, the failure to realize that I had been helped. They were all there, but I did not move towards fixing this. Perhaps the ignorance was too blissful. Nonetheless, the cold bliss came crashing down when I heard these words.
It was abandonment. To lose the support, however minimal it may have been, you've had all these years. To have those who raised you abandon you like some rejected child. I've not experienced true loss in my lifetime and as such, it is something I fear. To be deliberately abandoned like that, to have been designated a lost cause deals all the more an equal, if not worse, blow. To be the one lost is the pain.
I question myself now. Am I a good son? Have I ever been? If I had, then this never would have happened. This could have been avoided if I had known were i stood. Am I a good brother? I never would have lost influence if I had been one. Am I a good person? God knows why I act so differently sometimes, without regard or without care, and then compassionate other times. Do I deserve to be here? I could have easily been raised in poverty. What of my friends? They would not understand the magnitude. What then of me?
I'm too fucked up to even try to reconcile.
From then it moved to how I take things for granted or how I hold money in such low regard or how I'll turn out like my uncles. It's always about the faults I have and never about how I was raised. Always about the here-and-now and never about the whens-and-hows or the whys-and-whos. It was about money. It's always about money.
And then a confrontation. They'd take it away had I not defended it. How stupid that was. Why defend plastic? Why silicon? Why metal? On their own they are nothing important. Together, they are why I am not motivated. They are why I sleep the days away, why I never finish my homework, why my priorities are so messed up.
I defended it and I goaded them the whole time. They came to take it away but I defended it as a mother would defend her child. How stupid. Why defend a cold chunk of metal with your life? Why not give away that which causes you strife? I should have been asked this before. I acted irrationally, acted without thinking of the consequences. I justified it by thinking that I was not compromising, thinking that saving this would uphold my motto of "never compromising". And I never compromised, but I lost it all.
It still goes downhill from here. The words came in flurries and they pierced and I bled. The words resounded and stabbed with much more than I had felt. The truth hurt. "Live your life the way you want it but don't come crying to us if you fail," or "When you've proven yourself to not have screwed up your life, we'll be happy," or "It's your life and your problems."
They were harsh critiques, strong words. I knew they were true and I knew my life had been problematic for some time. The procrastination, the sloth, the failure to realize that I had been helped. They were all there, but I did not move towards fixing this. Perhaps the ignorance was too blissful. Nonetheless, the cold bliss came crashing down when I heard these words.
It was abandonment. To lose the support, however minimal it may have been, you've had all these years. To have those who raised you abandon you like some rejected child. I've not experienced true loss in my lifetime and as such, it is something I fear. To be deliberately abandoned like that, to have been designated a lost cause deals all the more an equal, if not worse, blow. To be the one lost is the pain.
I question myself now. Am I a good son? Have I ever been? If I had, then this never would have happened. This could have been avoided if I had known were i stood. Am I a good brother? I never would have lost influence if I had been one. Am I a good person? God knows why I act so differently sometimes, without regard or without care, and then compassionate other times. Do I deserve to be here? I could have easily been raised in poverty. What of my friends? They would not understand the magnitude. What then of me?
I'm too fucked up to even try to reconcile.
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