Holy shit.

I have messed up dreams.

That is all.

Yesterdays...

"Yesterday, there were so many things I was never told. Now that I'm startin' to learn, I'm feel I'm growin' old."

I guess it's a given. You sit back and bide your time, watching time go by, watching your summer start to go to waste. (And how does it go to waste in such short time?) You've got your newsfeeds and your blogs and all 'em, and then you've got your Facebooks or your MSNs or your forums. One thing leads to another and you start talking to people you wouldn't think you'd talk to again. Then it hits: Nostalgia

I was never one for moving on. The world moves by and so does everybody else but me? I just sit and look back at yesterday. What I had, what I lost, what could've been. I deal in the hypothetical and I see with rose-tinted glasses. Nostalgia does that to you. It makes you think everything's still the same, that you'll get the same reactions you had years ago. It doesn't say, "Oh, don't say this; you won't get the response you wanted." Instead, nostalgia dabbles and plays with your memories, often confusing them with the present.

It's like getting drunk, only on sentimentality. I can say that I've done stupid things out of the longing of nostalgia. Maybe I've fallen for somebody again for what I used to see. Maybe I think that them talking to me again is a sign, but it's all in vain, ain't it? I read too deeply into things. A polite conversation can turn into "a sign" of things that "might happen". But they're only ever just conversations out of politeness. No nudging, no leanings one way or another. It's trivial to think otherwise.

So here I stand, looking at the last month. Nostalgia has steered me wrong. I could sit here and say, "Oh, it was a failed experiment," or, "Oh, it'll pass," but it won't. The nostalgia stays and, with sentimentality, is just something that makes me who I am. Maybe it's good to, once in a while, look back on the past and see what you have. Maybe it's good to pretend you're where you were all those years ago and pretend you've got another shot. Maybe it's good to look back at the things that shape and and put you where you are today. Nobody learned anything without having to fall first.

But it's better, at least for me, to look to the future. Perhaps there's something to be had at the end of this journey. Maybe it's just wistful thinking. Who knows?

Sooner or later, I'll fall for it again. Nostalgia; oh how the ghost of you clings. And I guess, looking at this entry, sooner has come a lot quicker than I thought it would.

"Cause yesterday's got nothin' for me, old pictures that I'll always see. Time just fades the pages in my book of memories."